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"Life expands or shrinks in proportion to one's courage." ~Anain Nin
Viddy Thursday: Look Around You Germs jaybird found this for you @ 20:08 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Viddy Thursday: Look Around You Water jaybird found this for you @ 14:07 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Viddy Thursday: Look Around You Maths jaybird found this for you @ 08:06 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Satire: 6/10 Changed Everything Run for your lives - America is under attack! Just days ago three prisoners at Guantanamo Bay committed suicide in a savage assault on America's freedom to not care about prisoner suicides! Oh sure, the "Blame Atrocities First" crowd will tell you these prisoners were "driven to despair," that they "had no rights," that they were "held and tortured without due process or judicial oversight in a nightmarish mockery of justice." But what they won't tell you is that they only committed suicide as part of a diabolical ruse to trick the world into thinking our secret torture camp is the kind of secret torture camp that drives its prisoners to commit suicide! This fiendish attempt to slander the great American institution of the gulag is nothing less than an act of asymmetrical warfare against the United States - a noose is just a suicide bomb with a very small blast radius, people! - and when faced with a terrorist attack, America must respond. Giblets demands immediate retaliatory airstrikes on depressed Muslim torture victims throughout the mideast! "Oh but Giblets there are dozens of innocent prisoners in Guantanamo" you say because you are a namby-pamby appeasenik who suckles at the teat of terror. Well if these Guantanamo prisoners are so innocent then what are they doing in Guantanamo? Sneaking into our secret military prisons as part of an elaborate plot to make it look like we're holding them in our secret military prisons, that's what! And once they get there they can chain themselves to the floor, break their bones on helpless guards' fists, and waterboard themselves to their heart's content to further their sinister Salafi scheme to sully the reputation of secret American torture facilities everywhere! jaybird found this for you @ 16:55 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Heh: Kneel Before Zod ![]() When I first came to your planet and demanded your homes, property and very lives, I didn't know you were already doing so, willingly, with your own government. I can win no tribute from a bankrupted nation populated by feeble flag-waving plebians. In 2008 I shall restore your dignity and make you servants worthy of my rule. This new government shall become a tool of my oppression. Instead of hidden agendas and waffling policies, I offer you direct candor and brutal certainty. I only ask for your tribute, your lives, and your vote. jaybird found this for you @ 13:02 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
dangerous emissions Burning a flag seems innocent enough, right? I mean, after all, it's just a material thing used to represent ideals, right? You're not really setting fire to freedom, patriotism, freedom, liberty, or freedom, right? WRONG. When you burn an American flag, freedom particles and liberty molecules are released into the atmosphere. "But, Andy, don't we want more freedom and liberty in the air?" You'd think that, wouldn't you? Releasing freedom and liberty sounds great in a symbolic kind of way, but the truth of the matter is sobering. We only have so much freedom and liberty to go around. That's right. Like fresh water or fossil fuels, only so much liberty and freedom exists on Earth. If you're burning an American flag, you're wasting a precious, limited resource. And that's only part of the story. Freedom particles and liberty molecules, once released into the atmosphere, will interact with other types of particles, ones which will cause the creation of unstable, mutated and dangerous compounds. After speaking with a number of scientists, I compiled a list of the most dangerous particles, which when combined with freedom, spell disaster for our country. Heathen particles - Released during everyday sinning jaybird found this for you @ 11:32 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
all gods considered ![]() In the Beginning... I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design to be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design. Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him. jaybird found this for you @ 08:02 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Animal Reviews: The Cat The team has observed that baddies in films (and possibly in real life too) favour the cat over any other mammal as an illustrative prop to demonstrate their power over others. These cats are often decked head to paw in diamonds, and are usually fairly well mannered in temperament (seemingly in an attempt to create a dramatic contrast to the volatile nature of the kitty's owner). So that makes them excellent. jaybird found this for you @ 11:12 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
The Yes Men ![]() That said, the Acceptable Risk™ paradigm is no magic bullet, and cannot fix everything. The Bhopal catastrophe of 1984 was so extreme that risk adjustments just wouldn't have mattered. It's good it happened in India and not in Vermont, but even if it had happened in the Congo, there would have been huge market stress. Dow is gratified by the SEC's recent ruling that shareholder pressure groups can't interfere with the way we approach such ongoing problems, but that certainly doesn't make these skeletons golden. Before embarking on any enterprise with such huge potential effects, we must weigh the factors by hand very carefully. jaybird found this for you @ 08:54 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Discovering April Fool's a litte late There has been a small outbreak of “zombism” in a small town near the border of Laos in North-Eastern Cambodia. The culprit was discovered to be mosquitoes native to that region carrying a new strain of Malaria which thus far has a 100 percent mortality rate and kills victims in fewer than 2 days. After death, this parasite is able to restart the heart of its victim for up to two hours after the initial demise of the person where the individual behaves in extremely violent ways from what is believed to be a combination of brain damage and a chemical released into blood during “resurrection.” Cambodian officials say that the outbreak has been contained and the public has no need to worry. jaybird found this for you @ 15:23 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
my fake pyramid ![]() USDA hopes the updated food pyramid, MyPyramid, will help to ease much of the confusion that has come from so-called "doctors" and "scientists" claiming that their independent, repeatable experimentation has shown red meat, processed foods, agrichemicals and irradiation to be unhealthy for people and the planet. Many of USDA's top officials have worked in the Agribusiness industry, providing the expertise necessary to develop a pyramid that best represents the truth about healthy eating -- it's not what happens to the food before it gets to your table, but simply that you eat substantial servings of all foods -- Following these guidelines will help ensure the health of American families while guaranteeing the health of Agribusiness Corporations around the world. jaybird found this for you @ 20:55 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Bill Maher All right, it's time for New Rules, ladies and gentlemen. Ready. New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men... New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done. New Rule: I don't need an annoying little sticker on each individual piece of fruit. Let me get this straight: our borders aren't secure, but we're still going through the plums by hand? You know, those stickers are the opposite of appetizing, especially the one on kiwis that says, "Don't these kind of look like your balls?" jaybird found this for you @ 14:33 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
There is only God, unless there is more than one God Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States! Too long has your attention been waylaid by the bright baubles of extremist thought. Too long have fundamentalist yahoos of all religions (except Buddhism -- 14-5 vote, no abstentions, fundamentalism subcommittee) made your head hurt. Too long have you been buffeted by angry people who think that God talks to them. You have a right to your moderation! You have the power to be calm! We will use the IED of truth to explode the SUV of dogmatic expression! People of the United States, why is everyone yelling at you??? Whatever happened to ... you know, everything? Why is the news dominated by nutballs saying that the Ten Commandments have to be tattooed inside the eyelids of every American, or that Allah has told them to kill Americans in order to rid the world of Satan, or that Yahweh has instructed them to go live wherever they feel like, or that Shiva thinks bombing mosques is a great idea? Sister Immaculate Dagger of Peace notes for the record that we mean no disrespect to Jews, Muslims, Christians or Hindus. Referred back to the committee of the whole for further discussion. jaybird found this for you @ 10:32 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
it's not napping, it's art. ![]() ![]()
jaybird found this for you @ 16:05 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Unscientific Unamerican There's no easy way to admit this. For years, helpful letter writers told us to stick to science. They pointed out that science and politics don't mix. They said we should be more balanced in our presentation of such issues as creationism, missile defense and global warming. We resisted their advice and pretended not to be stung by the accusations that the magazine should be renamed Unscientific American, or Scientific Unamerican, or even Unscientific Unamerican. But spring is in the air, and all of nature is turning over a new leaf, so there's no better time to say: you were right, and we were wrong. In retrospect, this magazine's coverage of socalled evolution has been hideously one-sided. For decades, we published articles in every issue that endorsed the ideas of Charles Darwin and his cronies. True, the theory of common descent through natural selection has been called the unifying concept for all of biology and one of the greatest scientific ideas of all time, but that was no excuse to be fanatics about it. Where were the answering articles presenting the powerful case for scientific creationism? Why were we so unwilling to suggest that dinosaurs lived 6,000 years ago or that a cataclysmic flood carved the Grand Canyon? Blame the scientists. They dazzled us with their fancy fossils, their radiocarbon dating and their tens of thousands of peer-reviewed journal articles. As editors, we had no business being persuaded by mountains of evidence. jaybird found this for you @ 11:36 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
the frog and the peach DM: We'd like to ask Sir Arthur actually about his rather unique PC: Good evening. DM: Good evening. If you would tell us something about it, Sir. Arthur. PC: Yes, well, ah, the idea for the Frog and Peach came to me in the DM: These premises, in fact. PC: In these precise premises. Good evening. jaybird found this for you @ 15:42 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
i didn't do it FBI agents have traced another airline laser incident to a gay nightclub, this one in Dallas, TX. Last year, after pilots began complaining of laser beams penetrating their cockpits, investigators linked the green beams to gay nightclubs around the country, where laser wielders use the green rays to shine a light on club ‘hotties.’ jaybird found this for you @ 15:03 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Repeat after me: Lion. Lion. Eat. Eat. jaybird found this for you @ 14:14 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
I'm entitled to be silly: Your legs look extra strong on this barf-textured couch print. jaybird found this for you @ 19:21 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
jaybird found this for you @ 18:08 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
A Soon-to-be-lame-duck has a conversation with Bill Cosby, on the moon. "It will make you feel good!" jaybird found this for you @ 17:45 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
This Bible You Sold Me This Bible You Sold Me Is Clearly Defective and I'd Like to Return It, Please. The printer must have run out of black ink, because a bunch of it is in red. At no point does it tell what the middle initial "H" in our Savior's name stands for. jaybird found this for you @ 14:05 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Happy Friday: it's gnomez folks Happy Friday: it's gnomez folks (flash) jaybird found this for you @ 22:07 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Keillor: We're Not in Lake Keillor: We're Not in Lake Wobegon Anymore: How did the Party of Lincoln and Liberty transmogrify into the party of Newt Gingrich's evil spawn and their Etch-A-Sketch president, a dull and rigid man, whose philosophy is a jumble of badly sutured body parts trying to walk? (via Robin) jaybird found this for you @ 12:03 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Reliable sources: al-Qaeda plans to Reliable sources: al-Qaeda plans to drop gay bombs (It's raining men! Halleluia it's raining men!) Extremist Muslim scientists are developing a bomb that turns anyone within a 30-mile radius of its blast into a homosexual, say U.S. Intelligence insiders. "It's all a part of the Al Qaeda master plan to pull our country apart and kill the patriotism that makes us strong." Children will sob: "Why is Daddy moving the furniture and who is Judy Garland?" jaybird found this for you @ 21:53 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Ursula Accepts Nomination ![]() Woodfin, NC- Ursula the Cat accepted the Puss Party's nomination for President of the United States today at the nation's first ever Catvention, held inside a comfy cardboard box by the hole in the fence. Unanimously nominated also was her running mate and main competitor for food-dish access, Avatar, the country's first openly gay and feline Vice Presidential nominee. The delegates, which consisted of a beheaded grasshopper, a previously chewed stick of gum, an ambitious flea and a very liberal grass clipping, expressed their desire for candidates worthy of bringing radical change to American politics. United under the banner "cutefying America," the conspicuously non-feline delegates held fast nonetheless to the Puss Party's platform by choosing the duo: In her nomination speech, Ursula implored her revolutionary footsoldiers onward by meowing, scoffed at main competitor Ralph Nader by hissing, and concluded by coughing up a hairball with contained her human's sock bits. Avatar was busy chasing raindrops and promised the attendees he will accept his nomination by presenting them with another beheaded grasshopper. Twinkleface, the team's campaign manager and hallucinatory holographic orb, released this statement in honor of the day's historic event: "The Puss Party has bravely demonstrated that they are the party of unity, diversity, and incomprehensible cuteness by choosing two of the most substantive, charismatic and fluffy creatures on Earth to lead America out of a recession, out of war, and into a cuter, prettier, paradigm. I dare Ralph Nader to lick this Puss with his evil monster Cthulhu, and he'll be forced with John Kerry and George Bush to beg for soymilk in mercy!" She then trailed off, distracted by a solar neutrino that had collided with a nearby tachyonic particle, which created nothing really as a result. Stand by with the Birdonthemoon.com Official Catpaign Blog for the latest in the road to the White House Solid Oak Litter Box. jaybird found this for you @ 19:12 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
No, not again! Yes, again No, not again! Yes, again (well, sort of, Flash) jaybird found this for you @ 18:52 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Magical Trevor [flash] Magical Trevor [flash] jaybird found this for you @ 20:05 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Friday scary-flash spook-a-thon: The Minister Friday scary-flash spook-a-thon: The Minister of Fear jaybird found this for you @ 18:53 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Osama bin LOTTO!!! [via Easybake Osama bin LOTTO!!! [via Easybake Coven] jaybird found this for you @ 16:25 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
OK. OK. I'll do it! OK. OK. I'll do it! Ladies and Gentlepersonns, lock up your children to protect them from Testicle Theater jaybird found this for you @ 22:27 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
1500 year old jokes Although Although The Laugher Lover is the oldest surviving example, joke-books already had a long pedigree. According to Athenaeus 614d-e, Philip the Great of Macedon had paid handsomely for a social club in Athens to write down its members' witticisms. At the dawn of the second century BCE, Plautus twice has a character refer to joke-books. An incompetent astrologer cast a boy's horoscope and said: "He will be a lawyer, then a city-official, then a governor." But when this child died, the mother confronted the astrologer: "He's dead -- the one you said was going to be a lawyer and an official and a governor." "By his holy memory," he replied, "if he had lived, he would have been all of those things!" jaybird found this for you @ 07:44 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Blast Off to Democracy! [dialup Blast Off to Democracy! [dialup or broadband, Quicktime req'd]... the second installment of the Partisan Jab project. Remember the Ashcroft fear remix? jaybird found this for you @ 10:50 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
My Cat is Running for President Part II
Feline Candidate Announces Running Mate Woodfin, NC- Not to be overshadowed by the Democrats, Ursula the Cat announced her running-mate for the US presidency while attempting to eat a fallen leaf on the sunny deck of her home. Attending the rally were a gnat, a few startled houseplants, and the ghost of "Lambchop." Among recent candidates in speculation for the number two spot were a a patch of dirt, her human's left sandal, a brick that holds up the hibachi, and her food dish. Her housemate Avatar, known for his fondness of watching the toilet flush and the Backyard Production of "Cat on a Rather Warm Piece of Cardboard," won out over the competition. "Um, okay..." was the reaction of the human owned by Ursula and Avatar, Mr. Jay Joslin, currently off work due to pink eye. "My concern is that Avatar's incessant pleading for cheese will cause some members of the voting public to question his readiness for the nation's second highest office. Begging isn't a statesmanlike quality, but he's cute, especially when his tongue sticks out, so whatever." The team's campaign manager Twinkleface, an interdimensional and invisible ball of light, had a different opinion: "Avatar is ready for the job and is qualified to the hilt. What human-centric detractors see as begging for cheese is actually a struggle to demand equal rights and fair access to resources. He is a tireless advocate for the proletariat, while maintaining his chosen lifestyle of fabulosity and charm. He's an outside the Beltway candidate for those willing to think outside the litterbox." Pundits, however, note several key differences in the duo. Conservative blogger Andrew Sullivan, writing on today's edition of the Daily Zealot, states that "big green eyes and a simpering meow won't win this election. Avatar is a peacenik and pure bleeding heart liberal. No way can Ursula justify this choice, she should've gone for the brick. At least that can be used as a weapon against All The Evil People Out To Get Us in case of terrorism on US soil." Bill O'Reilly struck a more personal tone: "Gay cats are against Jesus. The French will love him" Twinkleface defends the Ursula-Avatar '04 campaign before bouncing off for the cats' Victory Tour of various shady places, including the key swing constituency of the muddy crawlspace; "You know, I'm tired of all these Washington blowhards and their pandering platitudes for what the underestimate to be a gullible America. These cats bring to an otherwise bland contest charisma and a level of experience no one else can claim- that of dust bunnies, window sills, and claw sharpening. Can Bush or Kerry offer the same?" Neither camp has yet responded, but the Nader organization is considering summoning Cthulhu for strategic advice. jaybird found this for you @ 13:02 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Report on Resistentialism A convenient A convenient point of departure is provided by the famous Clark-Trimble experiments of 1935. Clark-Trimble was not primarily a physicist, and his great discovery of the Graduated Hostility of Things was made almost accidentally. During some research into the relation between periods of the day and human bad temper, Clark-Trimble, a leading Cambridge psychologist, came to the conclusion that low human dynamics in the early morning could not sufficiently explain the apparent hostility of Things at the breakfast table - the way honey gets between the fingers, the unfoldability of newspapers, etc. In the experiments which finally confirmed him in this view, and which he demonstrated before the Royal Society in London, Clark-Trimble arranged four hundred pieces of carpet in ascending degrees of quality, from coarse matting to priceless Chinese silk. Pieces of toast and marmalade, graded, weighed, and measured, were then dropped on each piece of carpet, and the marmalade-downwards incidence was statistically analysed. The toast fell right-side-up every time on the cheap carpet, except when the cheap carpet was screened from the rest (in which case the toast didn't know that Clark-Trimble had other and better carpets), and it fell marmalade-downwards every time on the Chinese silk. Most remarkable of all, the marmalade- downwards incidence for the intermediate grades was found to vary exactly with the quality of carpet. jaybird found this for you @ 19:27 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
My Cat is Running for President ![]() Woodfin, NC-- A feline resident of Buncombe County announced her intention to run for the nation's highest office just after coughing up a hairball. She will run as an independent and lists her platform thusly: The owner of the cat, mild-mannered and mostly naked Jay Joslin, was taken by surprise by the announcement. "I'd just signed up to host a house party for John Kerry when she threw up and meowed in a way that suggested... that she wanted to be president." When asked if his cat's political opinions agree with his own, Joslin said: "Well, she's definitely a leftist, but it's clear that her ideas of social welfare, like a constantly filled food bowl, occasionally conflict with my needs or food funding. She has to get a better grasp on economics." Will America take to a feline, and female, candidate? "She's bold, butch, and a mass of muscle and well-toned fat. Whether it's licking her butthole or opening the bathroom door, she gets the job done," says her campaign manager, an imaginary ball of light called Twinkleface. The non-existent sphere of antimatter also went on to say that Ursula is ready to debate both Bush and Kerry on security issues, and come out on top. "Ursula's foreign and domestic security policy is practical and trumps both Bush and Kerry's corporate influences and namby-pambyism. If a cat comes through a hole in the fence, chase them out. If Ursula needs to go through the fence, no other cats should stop her, because she's Ursula. That's American interventionism in a nutshell. PLus, her recent buzz-cut would bring out some military votes." Ursula is widely expected to tap her co-resident of Mr. Joslin's apartment, the famously gay and dovish cat Avatar, as her vice-presidential running mate. While they don't see whisker-to-whisker on several issues, including who has the right to be in the bathroom with Mr. Joslin while having a 'sit-down,' the pair provide a contrast that Twinkleface thinks the American electorate will respond to. "We are ready for an alliance that crosses ethic (Avatar is Persian in origin), gender, and overly anthropomorphized divides. With Ursula-Avatar 2004, America has a choice; four white men, or two cute cats with more combined mental power than a dozen penguins," said Twinkleface, as it dashed off into another dimension in it's dual-role there as a dragon's booger. Ursula is due to be on the campaign trail after she awakens from her nap. The planned route is around the backyard, on top of a car, and through the hole in the fence. Bush and Kerry were unavailable for comment. jaybird found this for you @ 13:33 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
In the spirit of Friday In the spirit of Friday poetry (because I'm presently about the do the sound for a poetry concert), Hello Kitty Has No Mouth. Hello-Kitty, in fact, uses Morse code to communicate with the outside world. You may have heard of the book Johnny Got His Gun, in which a soldier was so badly wounded that the only communication he had with the outside world was by tapping Morse code with his head. That soldier was Hello-Kitty. jaybird found this for you @ 19:04 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
I'm in a very silly I'm in a very silly mood tonight... thus: Public Service Announcements, slightly reeeeeeeeeemixed. (mpg format) jaybird found this for you @ 20:49 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
c monks has some thoughts c monks has some thoughts on events in the news Happy Flag Day! I love flags. Flags rock. Doesn't matter what kind of flag it is either, I love them all. The US flag is actually kind of overrated. Too busy. How many frickin' stars and stripes does one flag need anyway? Still, it's a flag, so I love it! I wish I could put flags up everywhere around my house. Just, you know, flag this mutha out. It'd be awesome. I'd have like ten flags in the living room and nine in the kitchen. My house would be the flaggiest house in the neighborhood. That would be awesome. jaybird found this for you @ 20:00 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
You really need to watch You really need to watch the Ashcroft Fear Remix (QT .mov, 6megs of amazing satire filmmaking). jaybird found this for you @ 18:24 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Get your own Drag Queen Get your own Drag Queen Doll, missy! jaybird found this for you @ 12:37 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Figure this one out: Primate Figure this one out: Primate Poker Our mission is to generate profitable revenues from the continuous execution of winning online poker strategies. jaybird found this for you @ 18:15 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Remember the late 19th centure Remember the late 19th centure absynthe chugging melancholy alchemist August Strindberg? Probably not. Here's a not-so-accurate-but-funny account of his life and time in Flash, with help from an elemental: jaybird found this for you @ 20:55 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Good Morning. Register for the Good Morning. Register for the draft, please. POSTMORTEM PREFERENCE: jaybird found this for you @ 07:49 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Girls gone bad! Drag queens Girls gone bad! Drag queens steal cars for travel to pageants A band of cross-dressers has been stealing cars from dealerships around Alabama to drive throughout the Southeast to competitions for men who parade on stage in women's clothing, police said... Investigators have recovered Acuras, Nissans, Volkswagens, Lincoln Navigators and others. Inside those cars, they found dealership pamphlets, business cards and more car keys. More often than not, they also found makeup, women's clothing and pageant trophies... jaybird found this for you @ 07:22 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
In lieu of poetry I In lieu of poetry I could write tonight, I give you toilet stall poetry: The Writings on the Stall Love is like a snowmobile racing across the tundra; jaybird found this for you @ 23:05 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Friday silliness: Fruit Fly
Friday silliness: Fruit Fly Fight Club Researchers bet on fruit fly fights to expose underlying biology of aggression jaybird found this for you @ 18:00 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Top 100 April Fool's Day Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes Of All Time #1: The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest jaybird found this for you @ 17:03 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Something Awful presents, in the Something Awful presents, in the worst taste possible, "Advertisements of the Christ." "When you have the passion for great shampoo." [pg. 2] jaybird found this for you @ 19:33 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Bush Introduces Homo Alert System Bush Introduces Homo Alert System President Bush on Thursday announced the creation of a new alert system that will allow the country to know current risk levels of homosexuality at any given time. The system will coordinate risk factors with current US intelligence to determine the level of risk homosexuals pose to modern civilization as we know it. jaybird found this for you @ 15:44 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Funny: Emo Philips makes cole Funny: Emo Philips makes cole slaw. jaybird found this for you @ 00:50 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Social Theorists meet Lego: Butler, Social Theorists meet Lego: Butler, Giddens, McRobbie & Foucault turn to plastic. jaybird found this for you @ 16:16 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
This is bad/sad/hysterical: SoCal city This is bad/sad/hysterical: SoCal city falls victim to Internet hoax, considers banning items made with water City officials were so concerned about the potentially dangerous properties of dihydrogen monoxide that they considered banning foam cups after they learned the chemical was used in their production. Then they learned that dihydrogen monoxide - H2O for short - is the scientific term for water. jaybird found this for you @ 07:39 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
The Exorcist in 30 seconds The Exorcist in 30 seconds with bunnies. jaybird found this for you @ 20:17 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
The Passion of the Christ: The Passion of the Christ: Blooper Reel Assorted Jews: Crucify him! Pontius Pilate: I am innocent of the blood of this just – [knocks over bowl of water, which spills down steps] oh, [bleep]. Jesus Christ: [smiling] Good one, Hristo. Pilate: Nice crown, Jim. jaybird found this for you @ 13:49 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Good News [via MeFi] Scientists Good News [via MeFi] Scientists all round the world today went home for a nice cup of tea after a revolutionary breakthrough explained everything. The new unified theory (NUT) unites science and religion, explains genetics, the origin of the universe, quantum phenomena, and provides the first instant cure for a hangover in human history. jaybird found this for you @ 17:37 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
What if Jung and Freud What if Jung and Freud had an intimate moment? jaybird found this for you @ 14:08 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Notes I've Left on My Notes I've Left on My Kitchen Appliances as Written by My Kitchen Appliances by utter wonder's Christopher Monks jaybird found this for you @ 11:30 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Japanese Phrases You'll Need to Japanese Phrases You'll Need to Know Ohesotte nani? jaybird found this for you @ 13:08 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Funny ha-ha: Bush campaign pledges Funny ha-ha: Bush campaign pledges to restore honor and dignity to the White House. "After years of false statements and empty promises, it's time for big changes in Washington," Bush said. "We need a president who will finally stand up and fight against the lies and corruption. It's time to renew the faith the people once had in the White House. If elected, I pledge to usher in a new era of integrity inside the Oval Office." You do know this is satire, right? jaybird found this for you @ 13:36 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Margaret Cho: You are one Margaret Cho: You are one monkey head used Lipton tea bag. jaybird found this for you @ 19:50 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
How Now, Brown Cow? from How Now, Brown Cow? from Sounding Circle: FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk. PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk. jaybird found this for you @ 19:07 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Our current Terror Alert Level Our current Terror Alert Level is Oscar. Really. jaybird found this for you @ 20:41 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Cartoon Laws of Physics Certain Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space. jaybird found this for you @ 09:30 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Is It the Flu? by Dust is the most prevalent household allergen. Maybe you could stand to vacuum your place a little more often? I'm not saying it's dust bunny central over there or anything, but...oh, alright; who are we kidding? Let's be upfront with each other for once in our lives: you have some serious non-vacuuming issues. There's freakin' dust everywhere. jaybird found this for you @ 11:54 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
my cat annie A wonderful A wonderful video extravaganza of an eccentric cat. Recommended for high bandwith. [via Geisha Asobi] jaybird found this for you @ 08:12 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Friends foil Olympia man's
Friends foil Olympia man's home A lone book titled "Cruel Tricks for Dear Friends" was untouched. But nearly everything else in Chris Kirk's downtown Olympia apartment was encased in aluminum foil when he returned home Monday night from a trip to Los Angeles. jaybird found this for you @ 17:14 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Satire: Accept Jesus Christ and Satire: Accept Jesus Christ and Get a Free Playstation 2! Call our church office and we will provide you with simple instructions on how to use your parents' credit card to charge a love offering over the phone. Don't worry if you can't find a credit card. We can teach you how to use one of your daddy's checks to do an automatic draft withdrawal (which will get you free shipping and an extra game disk!) jaybird found this for you @ 07:59 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
The Bill Hicks Bootleg archive The Bill Hicks Bootleg archive [via MeFi] I consider Rev. Bill a prophet with comedian as an added bonus. I'm posing this here somewhat selfishly so I can get back to it once home in Asheville... missing those mountains already. jaybird found this for you @ 03:38 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Welcome to the strange world Welcome to the strange world of Shirley Q. Liquor, child. jaybird found this for you @ 18:36 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Queer Eye for the Medieval Queer Eye for the Medieval Man jaybird found this for you @ 21:51 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Rumsfeld as Seinfeld [flash] Rumsfeld as Seinfeld [flash] jaybird found this for you @ 18:04 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Weebl and Bob Just do Just do it. [flash] jaybird found this for you @ 03:04 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Poor People Pretty Much Fucked Poor People Pretty Much Fucked According to the results of an intensive two-year study, Americans living below the poverty line are "pretty much fucked," Center for Social and Economic Research executive director Jameson Park announced Monday. jaybird found this for you @ 15:37 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Gadgets for God: The 12 Gadgets for God: The 12 Days of Kitschmas jaybird found this for you @ 18:46 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
The Six Beer Theory jaybird found this for you @ 09:29 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
via MeFi
via MeFi jaybird found this for you @ 07:35 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Taking Humor Seriously via life Taking Humor Seriously via life in the present Analyzing humor is a bit like studying a flower-covered banana bike by peeling off its pedals. Before you know it, you've forgotten how to ride it. jaybird found this for you @ 18:50 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Smoke Kills [hysterical flash, possibly Smoke Kills [hysterical flash, possibly NSFW in a few tiny parts] jaybird found this for you @ 08:59 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Citizen's Self-Arrest Form "I am "I am under arrest. I have a right to remain silent. Anything I say can and will be used against me in a court of law. I have the right to talk to a lawyer and have him/her present with me while I question myself. If I cannot afford to hire a lawyer, one will be appointed to represent me, if I wish one, before I question myself. If I decide to make a statement, I may stop at any time." jaybird found this for you @ 17:24 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Gothic Miss Manners' Finishing School Gothic Miss Manners' Finishing School Warning the First: Age-appropriate looks, please. Don’t draw all over your face with eyeliner, don’t feel you must wear head-to-toe “I am the Queen of the Night” spooky vampire clothes. Unless, of course, you’ve been dressing that way for years and years anyway and it’s become a personal trademark of yours. Gothic Miss Manners’ daily wardrobe includes a hoopskirt and top hat, so she’s not going to tell you that you CAN’T wear such things, just make sure that the outfit isn’t wearing you, as opposed to you wearing it. jaybird found this for you @ 10:01 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Artist becomes human breakfast A Artist becomes human breakfast A performance artist got a taste of modern art when he sank into a bath of baked beans with french fries up his nose and sausages wrapped round his head. jaybird found this for you @ 16:25 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Minimal Porn is presented without Minimal Porn is presented without further editorial comment, via your good friends at MeFi. jaybird found this for you @ 18:46 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Ut quatiant illas clunes sanas! Ut quatiant illas clunes sanas! Quisblet has translated a famous tune of our culture into Latin: Magnae clunes mihi placent, nec possum de hac re mentiri! Just guess before you click the link. jaybird found this for you @ 06:44 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Need a hobby? Try collecting Need a hobby? Try collecting air sickness bags, belly button lint, sugar packets, fruit stickers, toilet seats, join a club, or just cover yourself in porridge. MeFi thread jaybird found this for you @ 11:25 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
eBay item 2560827952 (Ends 05-Oct-03 eBay item 2560827952 (Ends 05-Oct-03 18:41:40 BST ) - AIR GUITAR NON ELECTRIC MODEL THIS AIR GUITAR WAS ONCE NOT PLAYED BY THE LEGENDARY ERIC CLAPTON IN HIS MOST RECENT WORLD TOUR jaybird found this for you @ 08:32 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
The Deteriorata Go placidly amid The Deteriorata Go placidly amid the noise & waste, & remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet & passive persons unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires. jaybird found this for you @ 06:57 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
The Powerpuff Girls, of all The Powerpuff Girls, of all blessed things, as symbolic representations of the Abrahamic religions. jaybird found this for you @ 21:57 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Would you like to meet Would you like to meet Gaye Males? jaybird found this for you @ 00:11 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
In a British Parliamentary by-election In a British Parliamentary by-election yesterday, there was a surprise upset. It had little to do with the candidacy, however, of Alan Howling Lord Hope (59 crucial votes), current leader of the Monster Raving Loony Party. The Party was founded by the very late Lord Sutch, whose current political activity is unknown. Besides the current California circus, we yanks haven't had a good "hampaign" since this man (we're overdue). Crossposted to MeFi jaybird found this for you @ 17:06 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
In honor of National Talk In honor of National Talk Like a Pirate Day, I present this link, ye scurvies: fidius.org: What's My Pirate Name? Dirty Tom Flint You're the pirate everyone else wants to throw in the ocean -- not to get rid of you, you understand; just to get rid of the smell. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr! jaybird found this for you @ 15:45 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Disturbing elevation of the War Disturbing elevation of the War on jaybird found this for you @ 17:33 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Talk Like A Pirate Day Talk Like A Pirate Day - September 19 jaybird found this for you @ 16:38 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Sister vs Mecha-Sister will have Sister vs Mecha-Sister will have you on the edge of your pew (turn speakers on). jaybird found this for you @ 16:56 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Neil Armstrong - The Truth Neil Armstrong - The Truth What he really said on the Moon. jaybird found this for you @ 17:02 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
6-year-old holding George W. Bush 6-year-old holding George W. Bush Elite Force Aviator Doll hostage Boy’s home is surrounded by Secret Service and Homeland Security-coordinated SWAT forces jaybird found this for you @ 16:31 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Flynt: National Prayer Day for Flynt: National Prayer Day for Fox News Channel blowhard Bill O'Reilly's death. Check out graphic at bottom. jaybird found this for you @ 08:40 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Playtarot Gallery Major arcana of Playtarot Gallery jaybird found this for you @ 19:15 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
THREAT ALERT JESUS jaybird found this for you @ 19:05 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Guest drops trousers at Queen's Guest drops trousers at Queen's party The Queen got an unexpected view of one of her subjects... jaybird found this for you @ 07:24 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Bill Moyers Interviews Jon Stewart Bill Moyers Interviews Jon Stewart Of course, our show is at a disadvantage compared to the many news sources that we're competing with - at a disadvantage in several respects. For one thing, we are fake. They are not. So in terms of credibility uh uh - we are, well, oddly enough, we're about even. Doesn't seem like it should be that way, but it is. jaybird found this for you @ 11:30 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
I can't believe I've found I can't believe I've found it: Ali and his Gang vs. Mr. Tooth Decay, a classic bizarre album featuring none other than Muhammed Ali, Lily Tomlin, Jimmy Carter, Howard Cossell and a drunk sounding Ol' Blue Eyes. My friend Dennis had one of these, I guess about 11 years ago. We listened to it constantly, usually while toasted by various means, and I thought the record was all but lost. Not! Check out the mp3, Ali's Historical Theme: "Who put the crack in the liberty bell? ALI! Who really gave that bell a smack? ALI! Who punched it so hard that the bell did crack, hit it so hard with an awful whack? MUHAMMED ALI! Chorus: Ali's always getting blamed for things he didn't do, just because he like to scrap, and maybe sometimes feud. People want to blame the man, although he wasn't there, maybe we should take a look, the blame could well be shared!" The blame for what, putting the crack in the liberty bell? Ali just admitted to it! Why share the blame? But then again, his supporters are saying he wasn't there. I'm so confused! jaybird found this for you @ 22:22 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
The Incredible Bulk SHOCKED six-year-old The Incredible Bulk SHOCKED six-year-old Leah Lowland checked out a mystery bulge on her Incredible Hulk doll — and uncovered a giant green WILLY. jaybird found this for you @ 17:29 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Smut: US complains about brothel Smut: US complains about brothel called The White House jaybird found this for you @ 18:05 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
What would Xenu do? Scientology What would Xenu do? Scientology in pictures, circa '76. This will be another blogdex/technorati charttopper, I'm sure. LOL. Squick. jaybird found this for you @ 22:59 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Marla Jennings Christian Realty II Marla Jennings Christian Realty II "God, you won't find a sinner in this stunning 11BR/13BA show stopper!" kinda sorta via MeFi jaybird found this for you @ 01:13 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Toe wrestling triumph for England Toe wrestling triumph for England jaybird found this for you @ 16:08 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Will Ferrell is oddly selected Will Ferrell is oddly selected to deliver commencement at Harvard with hilarious consequences: "Students, Faculty, Families and Distinguished Guests, I just want to take time to congratulate you on your outstanding achievement as graduates of the Class of 2002. The great thing about being the Class of 2002 is that you can always remember what year you graduated because 2002 is a palindrome which, of course, is a word or number that is the same read backwards or forwards. I'll bet you're surprised I know that word, but I do. So you can suck on it." link whoring via riley dog jaybird found this for you @ 12:39 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Martha Stweart (Prison) Living... hysterical! Martha Stweart (Prison) Living... hysterical! via MeFi jaybird found this for you @ 08:29 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Eboo: Ghost In A Jar! Eboo: Ghost In A Jar! No Joke Serious Inquiry Only And it sold for 53k. I have some mating dust bunnies in a bucket... jaybird found this for you @ 00:18 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Genuine LOL: 3rd Annual Nigerian Genuine LOL: 3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference " am Mr. Laurent Mpeti Kabila, a senior assistant leader of the Revolutionary United Front of Sierra Leone. I present to you an urgent and confidential request: I request your attendance at The 3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference. This is an excellent opportunity to meet your distinguished colleagues, learn new marketing techniques, and spend your hard-earned money. Attending this conference demands the highest trust, security and confidentiality between us." jaybird found this for you @ 17:25 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
Virgin sacrifice in Chile halted Virgin sacrifice in Chile halted by student loan jaybird found this for you @ 00:03 in Silly People, Satire & Strange Behaviors | | permalink
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i am jay joslin: a spirit-fed mountain hopping lover of everything, an ordained lefty-veggie-homo, and bon-vivant go-go dancing with all the messenger mockingbirds of morning. "Rainbow Over Crossroads; Pleasantly Stranded in the Infinite" is available worldwide now. More information plus ordering options here. Digging the
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